I remember the sound of your november downtown, and I remember the truth of a whole december with you

feeling quite joyfull, the snow is melting, less accidents happen and my tickets to pinkpop are guaranteed! school is also going well, which wasn't always the case! so my parents are finally in peace as well. I'm getting ready for the biggest, nicest, drunkest party of the whole year; CARNAVAL. the time where everybody's drunk, makes out, live in peace while wearing some idiotic costume! and all this for 7 days straight! with the weekend coming up I all I can say is; life's good:) please let it stay this careless!

bad boys, whatcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they come for you?

There's just something about bad boys, we all know them. Hank Moody, Mr. Big, Justin Bobby. They're all bad in their own unique way but all so bloody attractive.

I think it's the thrill that makes the girls go crazy over them, you never know what to expect. Will he show up? Did he cheat? Does he actually likes me? I once was affected with one of them, one of them bad boys. My friends told me I was an idiot, he will never chance, I would never chance him. I told myself and my friends that I knew what I was doing and that I, just like him, didn't really take it all too serious. Of course after a couple months it didn't work, maybe because I was starting to actually like the guy and I knew that he would never commit the way I wanted him to, maybe because I found out that he combinated me with a girl that lived in my street. Hmm probably the last one! But I sure as hell knew that me and him would never made it. Does it ever work, really a serious relationship with a bad boy. And I'm talking about growing old together, kids marriage everything. Even bad boys must fall in love some day right? Can bad boys be changed? Or are the girls who're involved with them just really really patient and flexible? Of course we can't blame everything on them, what does it say about the girls who're lusting for badboys? You know what you're getting into, you know what you can expect. Maybe it's the girls who're messed up. Bad boys at least know they're bad and they're aware of their shortcomings, to lazy to change, but that's where they're bad for! The girls on the other hand likes to believe that it's love but eventially it doesn't work anymore, because the boys remain bad, are they staying true to themselves because someone has to, or are they looking for an excuse? I think we will never know. All I know is that I'm not even close to being finished with them!

feels like familier regret

seriously, how can alcohol really destroy everything in ONE day?! no, not even a day, 3 hours. whyyyy did I have to drink that tequila and f#ck up my last chance I had with him? and dont even get me started on my family, they barely trusted me as it is! I'm sorry for getting wasted, being a total bitch and broke everyone's trust, I really just wanted to have a good time! Now that that's said, there's only one thing for me left to do. Saying this to the persons who actually needs to hear it instead of my weblog. yes wish me luck.

as sorry seemed te be the hardest word, I'll lay down my pride, just hear me out

If I only could, make a deal with god, and get him to swap our places

Have a great weekend, I'll be staying in bed; I have a big cold:( xoxo

one day I'll fly away

One of the things I like to do best is traveling. I'm from Holland and eventhough I really love Amsterdam, I feel there is so much more in this world for me to see. So far I've been to: London, Turky (Istanbul/Bodrum), Spain(Malaga/Madrid/Peniscola/Nerja/Sevilla/Barcelona), Italy (Rimini/Rome/Milan/Piacenza/Sicilie), France, Paris several times; never gets boring:). In may I'm finally going to NEW YORK for a week!! I'm so excited and happy to finally go there, I finally convinced my mother to go there. Can't waith, high expectations!! And this summer I'm going to Greece (Chersonisos) with my friends and with my parents to a french Island: Corsica. I also lived in Brussel for a couple of years when I was younger, really a magical city. After college/school I'm planning to go for a tour around the world or something.. or at least travel for a couple of monts. There are still so many places I wanna visit.. Like Australia, I know people there who live in Sidney, people from my past who're like family to me. For sure that I will visit them one day. Of course America is just one big place I wanna be for a long time, California/NY/LA/hollywood also South America, the latin part. Next to that I believe that Europa has some magical places I haven't discovered yet. This will be my ultimate goal in life, to see the world. Just be free and careless for once. To pack my bags and just leave all the drama and pressure and see what the world has to offer. So many people who lives there lifes the way they supposed to, go to school, go to college, get a job, move in with your boyfriend, next thing you know you're 70 and you're there to see your grandchilds going wild and doing stuff you wish you did when you were young, too late. I wanna see the world while I still can, while I'm still young and have no obligations. It's so easy to just do what you're asked and what they expect you to do. There's so much more in this life. Take a chance and think outside the boxes to make something of your life.

I get lost in the night so high I don't wanna come down to face the loss of the good thing that I've found

It has been 4 years. He told me that himself. Things tend to feel different than they were. He was there, I was free. As I remained this way he went the other way. Looking back, this was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Spending years chasing something that could have been mine all along. A missed opportunity. Moving on, seems easier than it sounds. Not for him though. He moved on.

It has been 4 years. Still I can't commit. He was aware of this, this is probably why he left in the first place. He came closer as I left. He did good by leaving me. Not by getting involved with my best friend. Keep smiling, they make a beautiful couple. We would never made a beautiful couple, you know that. I'm trying to understand it.

It has been 4 years. Some people may believe that time heals all wounds. But why do I still believe that there is only one person there for me? I will not go down, I will survive. People like to believe I'm strong. I don't cry.

It has been 4 years. And I'm still in love with you.