It won't all go the way it should but I know the heart of life is good.

Great night yesterday with the girls, they're so sweet to me, always. They found a way to cheer me up and make me feel less miserable. Of course it's not the end of the world that I failed my exams, but it just sucks. But what's one year in a lifetime right? And I found out yesterday, which is really interesting, that the boy I secretly love, we had a thing 4 years ago but I never got over him and I'm still crazy for him. He got over me and he's happy with one of my best friends for about 2 years now. But still he's flirting with me and makes moves I don't know what to do with. This boy, is the only one who failed also. So of all the people in my year, we are the only two who have to re-do this year. During the dutch game in a bar he came up to me and said (but then in dutch ofcourse): so I suppose it's just me and you next year huh? Looks like we'll be spending some time together! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, though he's the only one on my mind, I'm trying so hard to get over him and I was so ready to leave after this year and forget all about him because it just doesn't feel good to be so completely in love with the boyfriend of one of your best friends. I want to leave him to the past. But that's not going to happen, at all. This is the way it always goes and it drives me c.r.a.z.y.:
he approaching me - me ignoring him - him approaching me even more - me ignoring him (which is hard while he's the only one I want to be around with) - him approaching me, flirting like crazy it's getting inappropiate - me responding A LITTLE - him reacting in a way like: what are you doing I have a girlfriend??
And in between those moves we're just hanging around like friends. It's complicated and I'm very curious how next year will go. In the meanwhile I'm still heartbroking about the fact I did not graduate, I'm dissapointed in myself. It doesn't feel good to fail so hard on something you did not expect. Feeling a failure does not feel good. But with my sweet, lovely, perfect best friends I'll get through!