that taste, all I ever needed, all I ever wanted

2010

when I look back on this year there are various words coming up, but I think: free, careless, laughter & good times, sums it up pretty well. I've learned to care less about what people think of me, I am less insecure than before and learned to stand up for myself and be an own secure person, a lot stronger than before. I'm proud of myself for that, and because of this I learned to let go. Not to overthink and analyse everything. Letting some thoughts/things/people go and stop caring so much. When I look back I see good times, so much fun, just let everything be. Lots of late nights and being free. This year has been a year to catch my breathe, take a break and laugh it off. I see this year as a year of with such great moments with a lot of highs in love and friendship and alot of these memories are actually making me smile at this moment just thinking about it. It has been a great year and I've learned alot about myself and the importance of friendship.

2011

I want 2011 to be a little bit more substantial and I don't want to escape anymore from the 'heavy things'. It's time to put my act together and find out what I want. I've always been scared to make big discissions and commit myself to one thing as I am scared to make the wrong discission and end up with lots of regret. Looking back at 2010, I ran away from the important stuff but I feel I have to face it this year. I want to be less afraid of the future. I alway kind of liked the feeling that everything was possible and I had the whole world in front of me with all its options. This year it will come down to he fact that I have to make descissions and plan my future a bit, which scares the shit out of me. This year I want to find my passion, something that I'm actually good at and I want to do the rest of my life. This is hard because there are so many things that I like but not love in life. Or love but not good at. Or love but don't want to do it the rest of my life. Nothing is certain at the moment and I just need a plan and search for my passion.

remember the time you drove all night, just to meet me in the morning

haven't been to school for a week now! love my mom, she doesn't mind me skipping school as long as I'm 'studying' for my exams starting thursday. Been in pj's for waay too long now studying, eating, taking long baths, watch movies and rest. It feels good to do nothing, it's too cold outside anyways! Can't waith for the christmas break, no more studying and lotss of diners and birthdays to attend :) x

he offered me the universe but inside my heart there's a picture of a girl

ohh it's been crazy crazy busy days lately, exams coming up, almost working fulltime, little bit of a social life when there's time.. also the winter has come and I'm just not made for the cold and the snow. I need warmth in my bones, I just can't function like this, all I want is a big wintersleep.

I've also been quite frustrated with the 'Ex', he's in a relationship at the moment, and I'm a happy single. Now he texted me: 'I really wonder sometimes who it is you're waiting for.' EXCUSE ME?! As if, when you're single, the only thing you do is desperately waiting around for anyone to come along! Hell no, I'm not waiting for no one, I'm good. So I texted him: 'I'm single and I like it that way, I'm not waiting for anyone.' Only for him to respond: 'Ahh don't worry you'll be ok, someday.' Oh I'm not ok at the moment? I am single by choice.

Besides that, it was a great weekend! Met up with some old friends who moved to Australia but were back in Amsterdam for a couple of days, we met up for dinner and drinks and just had the best time! Nice food, good wine, good company. The night went on and on and we just kept talking and laughing, realized how I've missed them.

Now I'm off to studying again, can't waith for the christmas break, I really need a break from studying for school and the people in the school. Laters x